Monday, October 17, 2011

Days of Details: Way off Track and Right on Target

I started out with the intention of blogging about a detail every day for 31 days. I had very good intentions. I started out strong but then I ran out of steam. I didn't feel too bad about it because my blog is new and I don't really have people who are reading regularly. But here's what happened just in case there is someone wondering...

Four years ago I made a big life change. New location. New job. New partner. New step mom role. New way of thinking. New life. I have no regrets about those changes. I am stronger and happier and my life is more meaningful than it has ever been. The only thing that has been lacking the past four years is a community of friends. I still have my family - a few near and several far. I still have my best friend Rosalie who is awesome even though sadly so far away. I still have my friends on facebook. What I haven't had, outside of family (my sister and in laws) are friends that I see regularly - people whose lives are intertwined with mine. I met Nat, my super cool french friend. But life seemed to get in the way. There was kid stuff and work stuff and baby stuff and then she was going to move... and it became a mostly online friendship. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for my online friendships. But there is something about spending time face to face, side by side with the people you care about. There is something about hugging their neck or a playful nudge with your elbow. Human contact. Tangible connections. Friendship. Companionship. Someone who cares not because they are obligated to but because they want to. Someone to drop by and see. Someone to sit next to in church. Someone whose kids can play with yours. Someone to share your makeup with. Just... someone.

For a while now my need for "someones" has been becoming more apparent to me. I have my family, I have my far away friends.... but I need more regular connections with people here. The first few years I was in NC I was doing a lot of learning, growing, discovering and healing. Last year I was completely, happily focused on my sweet little miss. Just lately I have started to sense a little shift inside myself. I am still loving being Emma's Mama. I love my little girl and I love spending all my time with her. I have started to want to feel like a person... a *woman* again too. I don't want to be a mama any less... I am just ready to add some other things along with it. I am ready to take time in the morning to do my hair and makeup. I am ready to buy a pair of cute shoes and a colorful scarf. I am ready to try Zumba and work on getting my body toned so that I can feel better about how I look. I am ready to have friends to hang out with. I am ready to invest the time and energy into building relationships with people here. So I have been spending a little less time on the internet blogging and a little more time in front of the mirror and in front of a Zumba DVD and at a friend's house. My mother in law has shared some of her cute shoes that she doesn't wear anymore. I haven't been wearing dirty old sneakers quite so much. Some things are changing.

I used to try to look a certain way on the outside to mask what was going on inside. I plastered on a fake smile and did my hair and put on makeup and went through the motions of life just to make it look like my life was happy and whole. But now my life *is* happy and whole. Sure it's not perfect, but it's good and I am where I want to be. So now instead of trying to look like things are a certain way to hide how they actually are I want to reflect outwardly how things *really* are. And I want to be a friend and have friends. I want to be a part of the world around me not just absorbed in my own world. I want to get outside my four little walls, make more meaningful connections. I am ready to live life a little fuller so I am choosing to make it happen.Here's to life and love and not just wishing things were a certain way but making it be.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

31 Days of Details: Day 12: Lean on Me

Emma has started to rest her head on me to snuggle when we are sitting together. It turns me into a big puddle of mama mush. She is giving me lots of kisses too. How can someone so little have so much power over your heart? My baby girl. I love you so. Lean on me any time.

31 Days of Details: Day 11 : Well Butter My Biscuit

Do you ever forget about something you really like, all of a sudden remember it and then obsess about it until you are sick of it enough to forget about it again? I do that. Mostly with food. In high school I rediscovered peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and for a while I ate one every day until I thought I never wanted to see another one again. I recently remembered biscuits. I had forgotten about them. I'm not sure how that happens but it does. To me anyway. I hadn't made biscuits in forever. Then one day while trying to figure out what to make for supper I randomly thought "biscuits". Now I just. can't. stop. Flaky, fluffy, warm and comforting with butter melting into them. sigh.... with stew for dinner or strawberry jam for dessert. How could I forget about something so perfectly wonderfully delicious? So now I am on a downward biscuit spiral. I will eat way too many until I get sick of them and eventually forget about them all together for a while. Then one day they will sneak up on me when I least expect it and I will be helpless to resist.
Today Emma helped me make biscuits. She thought it was great! She kept saying "cook". She had way too much fun with the spatula. I'm thinking matching aprons in our near future. Just like my Nana did with me. love.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Emma's First Big Girl Drink!

Tonight for the first time Emma started drinking from her big girl cup all by herself without choking or spilling. I loved her expression. You know she was thinking, "Holy cow it worked!" She was shocked and then proud. So was I! My baby is growing up!

31 Days of Details: Day 10: YUM!!!

My daughter loves to eat. Yum is the first word she says every morning. In fact some mornings I think she is still asleep. She will be laying still and her eyes will be closed when all of a sudden she *yells* YUM!!! And she means business. She won't stop saying yum until she is full. Yum until the first bite, yum between each bite, yum to nurse, yum. yum. YUM!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

31 Days of Details: Day 9: Help With the Dishes

Tonight after dinner Nate helped me with the dishes. I was so thankful for the extra hands. I like to clean and I really love having a clean house. But sometimes after cleaning everyone else's house... I'm ready for a break. So when my hubby filled up the sink and put his hands in the soapy water it meant a lot to me. Little gestures... a helping hand now and then can mean so much to someone. It meant a lot to me today and it encourages me to lend a hand myself. Starting right here at home.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

31 Days of Details: Day 8: Crisp White Sheets

Today I bought a new fitted sheet for my bed. I love fresh, clean white sheets. There's something about that straight from the dryer warmth and scent that just makes me want to sink into them. No cracker crumbs. No lint. Just smooth, silky comfort. Yes. Please. The only thing that *might* be better than new white sheets is the first time you wear a new pair of white socks. Heavenly. I bet if I wore a new pair of white socks to bed in my new white sheets angels would sing, knitty balls would disappear from sweaters around the world and hang nails would heal. I'll sleep to that.